Healing
by FlightWriter
Summary: Harry wants so much to fix everything, and Ginny goes through her own mental hell while he does so. M for a reason, kids.


_**HEALING**_

FlightWriter

**Authors Notes:**

Rating: R for implied rape, sexual content, and just a screwed-up-in-the-head memory.

Pairing: HP/GW - only because I want to keep it true to inspiration. This wouldn't feel right with a slash couple, and h/g is, of course, my favourite het pairing. But, it was very important to me that this be kept true. And believe me, as I reread this, it is.

Summary: Harry wants so much to fix everything, and Ginny goes through her own mental hell while he does so. M for a reason, kids.

On Flames: Please, please don't. I beg of you. Constructive criticism on the writing, fine. Reviews, even better. But this is far too close to home to tolerate flames.

On Character: Yes, I _know_ it's OOC. It's not necessarily supposed to _be_ in their characters. You'll understand why later, I hope.

Disclaimer: We all know that JKR owns the Potter universe.

Note: This is not a PWP. Oh, it has a plot. It has a beginning, a middle, conflict/resolution, and an end. But this is just the important part.

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Ginny walked up to Harry slowly, her arms across her chest and her head down. She was scared. Images were flashing across her eyes. God, she was scared. But she knew, she just _knew_ that she had to do this. She walked slowly into Harry, who immediately wrapped his arms lovingly around her.

"Ginny?" he whispered into her ear. She looked up into his eyes, tears beginning to crowd her own. She was listening.

"Ginny, you tell me to stop and I will, okay?" She nodded. "You're sure?" he asked her. She hesitated.

"Just be gentle," Ginny whispered, looking down again, the crown of her head brushing his chin. Harry pulled his arms tighter around her, trying to convince her.

"Always," he whispered, hugging her still tightly. Gently, slowly, with as much care as he could muster, he laid her down on the soft bed behind her. God, he wanted to do this right. He wanted to make her forget. He wanted so much for her…It wasn't fair, that she should be put through this kind of hell. She didn't deserve it.

He touched her gently, only the skin that was already bare, not pulling on any material, not tugging any fabric. She was already nervous, her brow furrowed and eyes shut. He leant forward, and brushed his lips against hers.

"Ginny?" he whispered. After a moment, she responded to his touch, reaching her head up just enough for a more pronounced contact. Her expression didn't change. He lowered his eyelids, focusing on her face and the muscles beneath his fingers. He gently pulled her sleeves down her arms, exposing more flesh to his touch. She shivered a bit and he froze. She nodded, and he continued to undress her. He freed himself of clothing as well, he knew she was in no state to do so. She was breathing rather heavily, her hands were shaking. She was still so terrified. She was still running the tapes of her memory through her mind. She was letting it get to her. 

"Ginny, Ginny…_Ginny_," he whispered her name, over and over in the darkness, trying desperately to calm her down. He took her into his arms, holding her. Feeling her wonderful, perfect, scarred skin on his. _God he wanted her. _He was so desperate. Not desperate for the sex. He was desperate to heal her. He wanted to fix everything. He wanted to make her whole again. But he knew it would never happen. He knew she would be scarred forever. But damnit, he wanted to give it a shot.

He lay on top of her, wrapping his arms up underneath her shoulders, allowing for the closest, most intimate contact between the two of them. She still had her legs shut tight, so he pulled one arm out from under her and slid it down her side, easing her muscles relaxed. It took a moment or two. With a few more whispers of her name, she took a breath and gave him room. Slowly, he guided himself toward her, inch by inch.

"Wait," she whispered in the kind of voice one would reserve for a dying hospital patient. Harry froze, his skin barely touching hers. She was shaking. God, she was absolutely _shaking._ Her nails were digging into his skin, painful. Her lips were pulled taught, and whimpers escaped her throat. Her chin trembled, holding back tears, as her shoulders went through spasms, fighting the imminent contact. She forced herself to take a breath. Eventually she released the tight arch her back had been holding, and pulled Harry back into her.

"Ginny, I can stop," he said to her, offering escape.

"No," she gulped. Into his ear, "I want to. I want to, I want to, I want to." It sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than him, but he let her have another second.

"Okay," she said, a slight twitch in her neck, her eyes still closed. Harry saw her lids flashing this way and that, and he wondered what she was seeing beneath them. She had told him, a few days ago…

_God, Harry, it hurt so much. He was so rough. I was c-crying, and he wouldn't stop. I couldn't st-stand it. He had me pinned, I c-c-couldn't move, and it hurt so…__much__! It took forever, and I couldn't say a word…I didn't want to. I went over there to just talk, you know? I didn't want to d-do anything. I mean, he's my ex! I knew it would make things more difficult than they already are. I was there for an hour and he leaned over and just started kissing me, and I said we shouldn't…but he just kept going. He was so rough, it hurt s-so much, Harry…He was viscous. Violating. I can't even think. I mean, I'm not worth that amount of effort. I don't know why he'd w-want me back. But I can't. I can't go back to him. I never want to see him ever again. It still hurts, and I'm scared, and everything I thought I knew is wrong. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have gone over there. I should have just let everything go they way they have, everything was working fine. I'm not worth it. But god, it hurt. _

Ginny hadn't told Harry the gory details, though he'd tried. He tried to extract them from her, so he knew exactly what had happened. But no, she had just told him that. What could he do now? He watched her eyelids flit back and forth, reliving the horrors of what had happened to her.

Harry bent forward, wrapping his arms around her again, kissing her a little deeper than before. He waited for her to respond, and finally her tongue crept out to meet his. He closed his eyes at last, enjoying the taste of her for a moment. He pulled back, relieved to find her brow had relaxed a bit.

"Ginny?" he asked. She took a deep breath, and nodded.

He took his first attempt slowly, knowing exactly where he needed to go. This wasn't their first time, after all. When he went to guide himself into the place he knew so well, however, it felt like he was met with a brick wall. He pulled back at her sudden gasp.

"Ginny? You okay?" He looked at her in the semi-darkness, and saw a depressing sight: she was quaking again, her brow furrowed more than ever, a tear sliding down one temple into her hair. She was shaking her head in rapid little motions. He pulled her tighter to him, in an effort to comfort her quivering fear. She was still shaking her head, but after a moment she forced some air down her throat.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm _sorry_," she repeated, over and over. Harry practically cradled her in his arm, desperate for her.

"No," he said, almost laughing, "no, Ginny don't be sorry. I can stop, really, I can." Her eyes snapped open at this, looking up at him panickingly.

"No, Harry, I want to do this. I have to," she added as an afterthought. He nodded slowly.

"Okay," he said, and edged forward again, even more slowly. He was met with the same brick-wall sensation as the first time. Ginny almost burst into tears right then and there, but instead whimpered, 

"I'm just…I'm just not relaxed-"

"No, you're not at _all_," Harry interrupted. He didn't know what made him say it, but out it came. It seemed to spur some thought into her, though.

"Just hold on a second," she said. He did. He held still for more than a second, but he wasn't going to point it out. He would give her all the time she needed. Slowly, he felt her relax underneath him. He watched as she went nearly limp from top to bottom, her face melting into a semi-peaceful trance, her eyes quivering as she concentrated. Her shoulders sunk into his pillows, her hips opened just a little bit more for him, and he felt her open-truly open-just enough for him to push a little more. He kissed her again, slowly, telling her without words how much he wanted to make everything perfect.

Slowly, he tried again to slide into her, watching her for minute reactions. After just a few seconds, she completely tensed up, pushing him back out. Her breathing picked up and she started trembling in his arms again, just as before. She started to apologize a second time, but he stopped her before she could get too far, gently capturing her lips in his. He hovered above her, waiting for the signal, waiting for her to relax.

Finally, he felt it. He edged forward and, though he could feel her muscles fighting it, she stayed relaxed enough where he could keep going. She was still shaking, the kind of shake you can feel in your lungs in the dead of winter. The kind of shake that takes control during an anxiety attack. The kind of shake that comes from the depths of your bones. The kind of shake you have to experience to truly know what it feels like. But…he was almost there, give him another three seconds….four….yes. Harry froze, wondering what was going through her mind. He could feel her tense up around him, wanting to push him back out. He wouldn't move until she said so. He wouldn't move. He _wouldn't_. She was letting out a mixture of tiny whimpers and little sobs, but he wanted her to overcome her horrors. He stayed inside her, giving her time. Slowly, the breathing eased. Slowly, the muscles loosened. Slowly, she swallowed and whispered to him,

"Okay."

He backed out of her, and slid back in, watching her expression. Well, she wasn't shaking quite as bad. A little tremor here and there, but each time he re-entered her, she seemed to take it alright. He started to pick up an ounce of speed. Everything seemed to be going alright. God, she didn't realize how amazing she felt. She didn't realize how much she was capable of. She didn't realize….

"_Harry, stop!"_ she choked out suddenly. He froze. She was nearly bucking, shaking worse than ever. Her breath was coming in short, uneven breaths, her shoulders convulsing.

"Ginny? Ginny, are you okay?!" It felt to him like she was going to be sick. He hugged her tightly to him, murmuring, "No, no, you're not, Ginny, you're not okay. Ginny, I can stop, just tell me to stop."

"No, Harry. No. I just-just…I don't know. Just give me a minute. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just so…confused," she was crying again. He held her.

"Don't be sorry," he whispered. He held her, and held her and held her. He would give her all the time she needed.

"Okay," she said softly, reaching up to kiss him again. She shook herself, and he felt her arms snake up his sides. He raised an eyebrow. This was the best sign so far, she wanted to participate.

"Move," she said gently. Harry was all too eager, but he controlled his motion in case she locked up again. Sooner rather than later, though, he felt her hips rising up off the bed to meet him, and he involuntarily picked up his speed. She let out a few little gasps, and he repositioned himself for a better angle.

"Ginny?"

"Hmm?"

"You okay?" Pause.

"I think so," she said quietly.

"I can feel your body moving towards me…" Harry whispered. He could feel her smile lightly against his jaw. "How does it feel, Ginny?" he asked, wanting to know if she was enjoying herself.

"It feels…nice," she said. He nodded. He couldn't ask for too much. Once, he'd been able to bring her to the highest of peaks, numerous times. Now, however, he'd have to be patient. He repositioned again, going just a little deeper. This elicited a moan, and he couldn't help himself, he had to go faster.

"God, Ginny, you feel so good, you're so tight," he whispered into her ear. What could he say to make her feel worthy of this kind of attention again? What could he do?

He didn't know. But right now, this very second, he couldn't focus on what else he could do, she was rising up to meet him with every thrust, and damnit she really _was_ tight, and she was so beautiful, tearstains glistening down her face and all. The whispered little gasps escaping her lips and every little convulsion around him…God, she was _clenching_ around him! He could feel her walls tighten and relax, then redouble their efforts; he picked up a little more speed, running into her a little deeper.

"Ginny…I'm…Ginny…." he couldn't even make a sentence, she felt so good.

She let out another whimper. One of her old ones that turned him on so much. One of the ones that told him she was close, _so close_, close enough he could feel it in the end of his nose. He held her tighter, and as she let loose one of those tremors, the good kind that she had, the kind that told him she was at the top her game, feeling the best he could make her feel. He felt all the heat well up inside of him and he exploded. Stars swam in his eyes as she rose to meet him one more time, and he pushed into her, holding them together.

"Ginny," Harry whispered after a moment, "you okay?" Pause.

"Y-yeah. I think so." She looked up at him through the darkness.

"Thank you," she whispered. He bent down and kissed her again before laying down next to her, pulling her small, slightly quivering form into his arms.

He wanted, so much, to give her the world back.

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I can only take credit for a horrible past, one that haunts a poor girl's mind to the point where she's crying alone at night because those she thought cared for her turned out to be the very cause of the events of this story.

I wanted to restrain myself from using typical M writing, you know, cock/pussy/fuck etc. I think it went over rather well. Just goes to show that not everything needs to be described in a typical manner to get a unique point across.

I can't convey with words how real this is. Harry and Ginny are mere names, just faces, assigned to a particular point in time burned forever in another, real-life girl's memory. I hope this touches you as much as it did me, because some people really are just this genuine, and will care enough to help us through the toughest events of our lives. You just need to know who these people are. Thank you, baby. I owe you everything.


End file.
